


Of Conversations and Dates

by WTFAidaWTF (Aida)



Series: Not-So-Sweet and Innocent [2]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bilbo still thinks it's wrong, Kíli's all grown up, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-09 03:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/WTFAidaWTF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bilbo wants, but knows he shouldn't. </p><p>And Kíli wants, and doesn't care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> Continuing the series!
> 
> This is going to have a couple of chapters, though I'm still planning out exactly how many that's going to be. And thanks to everyone who commented on it, along with the other fics I've been writing. I know I don't always reply to your comments, but know that I do read them, and they really help keep me going in this. So even if it's just to say "great job!", leave a comment if you'd like. I do like reading them. Even if you have constructive criticism. ESPECIALLY if you have constructive criticism, because if there's anything that needs fixing or improvement, I want to know so I can make it better. 
> 
> So, that's all for now. Please enjoy!

In the end, he didn’t have to work too hard to escape. 

Some time that morning, Bilbo was awoken to Kíli rushing about and gathering his clothes. He had shut his eyes, hoping to feign sleep until he left, and it worked. But not before Kíli planted a hard, quick kiss to Bilbo’s forehead. 

Bilbo waited only a few seconds before getting dressed himself and rushing through the house as quietly as he could so as to not disturb any of the random relatives that were scattered about the house, passed out and snoring so loud that, by the time Bilbo got out the front door, his ears were actually ringing.

The only problem occurred was when Dís caught up with him asked where he was going. 

“Why are you rushing off?” She has asked. “You look like you’re fleeing from a one-night stand gone wrong!”

It didn’t help in making him feel better. Then again, he doubted he’d feel anything good about the entire situation… ever. Still, he scrounged up some nonsense about meeting the principal of the school he worked at later on that day, and having to get ready for it. She had let him go with a sad look, telling him that he should come by more often. They all missed having him around. Even the boys.

 _Especially Kíli_ .

He never felt so relieved to be out of that house in his life.

For the past few weeks, it was easy to avoid anyone of the Durin family. None of them ever came by to see him, nor did they call him all that often. Really, the only people close to that family he’d see the most were Bofur, his brother, and his cousin. The only reason for that was because Bofur and Bifur would stop by the bakery Bombur owned to “help out”, and said bakery was down the street from the school Bilbo taught at. 

That, and Bombur did make the most fantastic scones. 

So Bilbo felt sure that the decade would fly by without any complications. With being busy with teaching rowdy teenagers English literature, trying to keep the principal from breathing too far down his neck, all the while taking care of his recently-orphaned nephew, all his worries seemed to fade away from his mind.

He really should’ve known better.

It was a cloudy day (which should’ve tipped Bilbo off right then), when he arrived at the school, trying his best not to linger in the teacher’s lounge and heading to his classroom before his students tried to break in (they have done it before) and wreck it.

He was just fumbling with the keys when he heard the footsteps. Just putting the key into the lock when he felt someone breathe on his neck.

“You’d be surprised at how easy it is for someone to slip in here.”

Bilbo jumped as his heart both shot up and plummeted at the voice. That voice he was trying to avoid hearing for as long as he could.

“What the-?” Bilbo sputtered, feeling smaller than usual as he turned and saw Kíli standing behind him and well within his personal space. “How did you-?”

“I didn’t even have to get a pass or anything.” He continued as if Bilbo did not have a panic attack at the sight of him. “I think someone should bring that up before there’s an issue.”

Bilbo let out a breath and fought the urge to pinch his nose. “What are you doing here?” He demanded. “You can’t be here! I have a class to prepare for!”

“That starts in forty minutes.” Kíli replied as reached around Bilbo and unlocked the door. “And I’m here to talk.”

With that, he opened the door and stepped right in, as if it was his own classroom and not Bilbo’s. He bit back a resigned sigh as he stepped into the classroom as well and shutting the door, tucking the keys into his pocket. He didn’t have to worry about students barging in, since the door locked automatically once you closed it (something he learned the hard way many times before). And he flicked on one set of lights before turning to Kíli, who was sitting at one of the desks.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Can we please not do that?” Kíli demanded, all smiles, even if they didn’t reach his eyes. “We both know why I’m here, and that’s because I have questions, and I deserve to know the answers!”

“Ask, then.” Bilbo replied shortly, because he really wasn’t awake enough for this.

Kíli leaned over the desk and sent Bilbo a hard look. “Why?” He asked, and Bilbo felt his stomach grow cold.

“Why?” He parroted, because this was much worse than he thought. He knew Kíli was drunk, but not _that_ drunk! Kíli probably didn’t know what he was doing, and Bilbo took advantage of him. He practically _raped_ -.

“Why did you leave?” Kíli clarified forcefully, and Bilbo was wrong. This was much worse. “I had left to get us coffee, but when I came back I found out that you left! And you fed my mother some _bullshit_ excuse! I want to know why you left because it made me…”

Kíli paused to swallow, looking down at his hands. “It made me feel like some cheap fuck.”

Bilbo felt his breath escape him as he leaned against his desk. “Kíli,” He replied slowly, feeling even more tired than he did when he woke up that morning. “It was for the best. We were both drunk-.”

Bilbo jumped again when Kíli pounded his fists on the table. “ _I was sober_!”

“You were not!” Bilbo snapped back. “I saw you drinking!”

“I only had half a beer!” Kíli snarled. “I only had enough to work… to work up the courage…”

Bilbo groaned as Kíli spoke, pacing in front of his desk, because this was a mess. He should’ve paid more attention when Kíli said those two traitorous words, even though he’d learned the hard way not to take stock in them before. Because Kíli apparently meant it, and he probably thought he actually loved Bilbo.

Bilbo, his old babysitter. “Uncle” Bilbo, who used to be Uncle Thorin’s boyfriend. 

It was wrong. So very, _very_ wrong.

“I’ve been trying to for some- will you stop that!?” Kíli snapped finally, causing Bilbo to look at his desperate face. “Why are you so anxious? You’re acting as if we did something horrible!”

“We _did_ do something horrible!” Bilbo cried back, and he hated how hurt Kíli looked. “Kíli, I used to babysit you! I practically helped raise you! I knew you as a baby, even though I wasn’t old enough to be trusted to hold you when you were that young, but still!”

“I’m not a child anymore.” Kíli replied smoothly. “And what I feel has nothing to do with that! It only has to do with the fact that I _trust_ you-!”

“Well, you clearly shouldn’t.” Bilbo hissed, more at himself than at Kíli. He began pacing again, and didn’t even stop when Kíli stood up from his seat.

“Alright, this is ridiculous.” He heard the younger man snarl, and was almost relieved. Because maybe Kíli was too angry now to continue this conversation and he would go. Because, while Bilbo desperately didn’t want to hurt him, it had to happen if this was the only way for this to end. For things to go back to normal. For sweet, innocent Kíli to not want Bilbo in any sexual way, and for Bilbo to not feel like some horrible person.

Such relief never came, for Kíli grabbed Bilbo by the shoulders and steered him around so he sat in his desk chair. Bilbo looked up as Kíli loomed over him with a look of determination that seemed to be a family trademark.

“Bilbo, I know you used to babysit both my brother and I.” Kíli began. “And I know you think what we did was wrong; I don’t know why, but I do. But the thing is, I’m _not_ a _child_ anymore! I’m twenty-two years old! I’ve been making my own decisions for the past five years, and I’ve had my own mind for even longer! Sure, when I was younger, my feelings for you were innocent and more family-based, but they aren’t now, and they haven’t been for a while! And when I heard what my uncle did-!”

Kíli cut himself off, and Bilbo saw the muscles in his jaw jump. Bilbo himself tried not to think about Thorin and how he treated him over the years. How he _allowed_ Thorin to treat him…

Eventually, Kíli took a deep breath and seemed to focus again. “I figured there might be conflict, because I’m not stupid, despite what others might think.” He continued, staring down at Bilbo earnestly. “But I was so angry at my uncle. How he could just toss you away. You deserved so much better, and I wanted to give that to you…”

Bilbo’s heart shouldn’t have fluttered at those words, because it was Kíli who was saying them. Even as Kíli knelt in front of him and held his hands, he shouldn’t want to hear more. 

“Because I love you, Bilbo.” Kíli whispered, eyes bright and desperate as he gazed up at him. “Because I don’t love you like family, but so much more! And you might doubt that, but it’s true! And I want to prove it to you, if you’ll let me.”

Something in Bilbo wavered as Kíli’s grip tightened, and for a moment he almost forgot that this was the same Kíli he’d take care of as a boy. The one he would tell tall tales to before he went to sleep, and comforted him after he had nightmares of his father who passed away, and Dís couldn’t when she was working late. 

“Just one date.” Kíli pleaded after a moment, snapping Bilbo out of his thoughts. “Just let me take you out on _one date_ , so I can prove it to you! Please!”

If Kíli were anyone else, if he weren’t Thorin’s nephew that he knew since he was so young and sweet and innocent, he would say yes. In a heartbeat. Because he actually believed that Kíli would be better. Would be so much better than Thorin ever was, and he wanted to experience that.

But this was Kíli, and he _was_ that same boy he knew as a teen.

“I can’t.” Bilbo replied after a while, and he hated how his voice cracked around those words.

Kíli looked so sad upon hearing his words that Bilbo had to look away, and he was so thankful that the first bell rang. He just wished he didn’t feel so hollow when Kíli’s hands slipped from his. When Kíli got up and walked to the door.

“I hope you change your mind, Bilbo.” Kíli whispered before he left, and Bilbo slammed his eyes shut just as the door did.

Because he desperately wished he could, but knew he couldn’t.

Because it was wrong.


	2. Impromptu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bilbo thinks, and Kíli pays for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DESPITE THE SUMMARY, THERE ISN'T THAT MUCH ANGST, I SWEAR!
> 
> I was going to take an entirely different route with this, but after reading that first draft, I decided it would make this fic even more of a soap opera than it already was. So, instead, you get this one.

Bilbo was thankful that Friday came so quickly. His students were acting more wild than usual since summer break was around the corner. Frodo was going through a peculiar phase where he hated everyone (even Bilbo, who doted on that boy and treated him so much like the adult he acted at times). And Thorin was seen on the news arm-in-arm with a thin, graceful, blonde _woman_ and had called him a couple of times since then. He never picked up his phone and certainly didn’t try to call him back.

That, and he could not stop thinking about Kíli.

He shouldn’t be thinking about him, at least not in the way he was these days. He should be thinking about how proud he was of the young man. How he wasn’t going to university right away, but was still working hard as he tried to figure out what it was he wanted to do with his life instead of living off his family inheritance (courtesy of his grandfather). No, instead he was thinking about those big brown eyes and how heart-stoppingly warm they were. How his smile lit up whatever space he was in. How his long hair really shouldn’t make him more attractive, but it did.

He was thinking all of the wrong things, and it was frustrating. It didn’t help when he realized he’d been thinking them since he moved back into town after he graduated, seeing Kíli as he was getting ready for his last year in school himself. 

He really wished Kíli never asked him out, never told him how he felt, because Bilbo was actually thinking of considering his offer. Despite how wrong it was.

Bilbo decided that a good, stiff drink was in order, so that was how he wound up at a local bar, ordering a strong, smooth scotch as he pondered at how his life became this bizarre _mess_.

He was halfway through when the man that was in his thoughts slid into the seat across from him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked Kíli, who was arranging his coat next to him.

“I work here.” The young man replied. “Just got off my shift and I saw you.”

Bilbo fought back a resigned sigh. “Kíli-.”

“Just-Just let me join you, okay?” He cut in desperately. “Just this once. Let me show you, and then you can set your decision in stone.”

Bilbo stared at him. At his hair swept back into a low ponytail and out of the way. Of his big, sweet eyes that held such maturity at that moment. Of how his shirt clung to the muscled curves of his chest and shoulders. 

“Fine.” Bilbo said, and his heart fluttered at Kíli’s big, broad smile. “But I’m not paying for yours.”

“Then _I’ll_ pay for _yours_.” Kíli quipped right back as he pulled out his wallet, and Bilbo fought a grin of his own. “Refill?”

That was how Bilbo wound up having one of the best dates he had in years. It was strange, because it shouldn’t have been a date, but it felt so much like one. Strange, because it was in a dingy little bar that just so happened to be one of the few places that sold his preferred scotch that didn’t overprice or water it down. Strange, because it was with Kíli. Kíli, who was supposed to be sweet, young, and innocent, but seemed to have turned into a different person altogether compared to the child he once knew. 

As Bilbo was laughing with him, he was seeing Kíli truly in a different light. This Kíli truly wasn’t the same as he was when he was a child and clinging to Bilbo’s hand as they walked in the park. Or who he scolded for pushing his older brother off the swing he wanted. Or who he made hot cocoa for before bed, putting in far too much chocolate and marshmallows that were warranted. This Kíli was different. No longer a little boy, but a man. A good, kind man who wasn’t as dumb as it seemed. Who had a winning smile with a hint of impishness. Who was strong, yet lithe. Who was masculine despite his long hair, long lashes, and a tiny bop of a nose. 

Bilbo was actually thinking of taking Kíli up on his offer, and it was a dangerous thought. 

He allowed Kíli to pay for drinks that moved wisely from beers and scotches to coffees and waters. He allowed Kíli to press a questioning hand to his back as they walked out of the bar. And he allowed Kíli to walk him home.

“Well?” Kíli finally asked when they reached the door.

Bilbo searched his face, seeing how wary and hopeful he looked, despite trying to seem confident. Eventually, Bilbo let out a breath and grasped his hands with his own.

“I will think about it.” He finally answered. “It’s not a _no_ , but you have to-.”

Kíli swooped in and gave him a soft, quick kiss. “It’s fine.” He replied, looking so happy and so relieved at Bilbo’s words, no matter how uncertain the outcome could wind up being. “It’s good. Believe me, it is. Just…”

He then became wary again. “Can we… perhaps…” He murmured. “Go on an actual date sometime?”

Bilbo laughed before he could stop himself. “Oh... Alright.” He replied. “If only to give you a fair chance. Just, please remember-.”

“I know, I know!” Kíli replied quickly, rushing off. As if he was afraid Bilbo would change his mind if he lingered. “Next week, same time. I’ll pick you up! Take you to a great place, you wouldn’t _believe_ -!”

“Just don’t get run over!” Bilbo shouted at Kíli’s rapidly disappearing form as he raced down the road. When Kíli finally vanished, he let himself in and locked the door behind him, leaning against it and slamming his eyes shut when he was greeted by heavy metal streaming down the stairs from Frodo’s room.

“Bilbo Baggins.” He whispered to himself. “You’re dragging yourself through quite a mess, this time…”

He just hoped that, in the end, it would actually be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess the name of the blonde seen with Thorin? Eh? Eh?


	3. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo finally makes a decision. And chinese food is greasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I pulled a rule 63. I couldn't help myself. Said character just seems so easy to 63, though! (And wow, that sounds dirty.)
> 
> Short chapter is short, but this was really just to wrap it up and get things going before the REAL fun could begin!

One date turned to two, then three, and then Bilbo lost count. It was an easy thing to do, since the dates went from going out to having Kíli over to eat some array of unhealthy food. He didn’t mind, for he found that he rather enjoyed the time he spent with him, no matter where they were. He also found himself thinking more and more about nice it was to just relax with Kíli. Kíli, who didn’t push him for anything more, even though he probably had the right to. Kíli, who tried to pay for everything and pouted when Bilbo would instead. Kíli, who was now a completely different person compared to who he was as a kid. 

Bilbo was still wary. While it was small and quiet, there was still a voice in the back of his head telling him that it was wrong, what they were doing. Except now that voice’s reasoning was because of Kíli’s family and Bilbo’s history with them. His history with Fíli, his history with Dís, his history with _Thorin_.

That was another problem, for the man still called from time to time. Still gave him the same lines. Still tried to weasel himself back into Bilbo’s life when said man wasn’t ready to even try to be _friends_ with the politician who was dating some model who was probably half his age and with a name that was clearly foreign (Bilbo still didn’t know if it started with either an F or a T). It was hard to make his decision with the man pestering him.

And he was trying to make a decision. Because he want to at least _try_ to do right by Kíli, since it was what he deserved.

He was close to making a decision that night. Thorin hadn’t called for weeks, Frodo was out with friends and only causing a minimal amount of trouble (he hoped), and Kíli was over with chinese and a store-bought bundt cake. They were simply sitting on his couch, picking at food and watching a movie, though Bilbo was more focused on the man currently trying to bury his toes under his thigh. 

Kíli was being so patient with him. Not pushing for more than a chaste kiss here and there, holding hands, and hugging for only slightly longer than necessary. He didn’t ask for cuddling, snogging, or even sex. It was as if Kíli was happy just by spending time with Bilbo. Happy that he was even getting a _chance_.

Bilbo looked at those brown eyes as they stared at the television with such an intense focus. Looked at his scraggly face covered in grease. At his tangled mass of hair that was roughly swept into a ponytail, and he knew.

He finally made a decision.

“They can’t find out.” Bilbo started off with, finding it easier to focus on his food and not Kíli, whose head had swiveled around to look at him.

“Pardon?”

“Your family. They can’t know. At least… not yet.” Bilbo explained. “Not for a long… _long_ while… if we do this.”

Bilbo glanced at Kíli as the younger man stared at him, and fought a flinch when the noodles in his mouth slid out and back into the takeout container, revealing a slack-jawed expression.

“If we…?” Kíli muttered.

“I… I want to try.” Bilbo finally replied. “Just-Just know that we have to keep quiet about it, because if your family _ever_ found out, they’d-.”

“No, no!” Kíli cut in quickly, shifting around to face Bilbo. “I understand.”

“I mean, it’s not that I’m _ashamed_ , or anything!” Bilbo continued to ramble. “Obviously, I’ve never been-!”

“Bilbo,” Kíli murmured softly, soothingly, as he reached a hand over and gently touched his thigh. “I _know_.”

Bilbo swallowed. “Good,” He muttered, looking at Kíli. “And another thing…”

Bilbo set both their containers on the coffee table before turning to face Kíli right back. “When I say I want to try, I’m being serious. This has nothing to do with any ridiculous amounts of pity, or your uncle, or anything like that…” He continued, and he almost wanted to take back his words, but Kíli was still smiling. “And we should still go slow. I don’t want to rush this and muck it up. I want to try, and I want to do it right. Right by you, and right by me. Okay?”

Kíli’s eyes were bright, even though he was smiling even wider at him. “Okay.” He whispered.

Bilbo couldn’t help but grin, taking Kíli’s hand in both of his and rubbing it soothingly. “Good.”

“Good!” And before Bilbo could even protest, Kíli lunged at him, pinning him to the couch with strong arms and gentle kisses.

And when Kíli’s kisses finally moved to his mouth, it was rather impossible, for both their mouths were stretched wide for how much they were smiling.

That night, as Kíli lay sprawled on top of him, Bilbo couldn’t help but think that, this time, it would work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL! I am planning it as I write this. Be prepared: this shit might turn into a soap. 
> 
> (In other words: Ignore the author. She's an idiot.)


End file.
